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The phrase “arepa” didn’t exist to me till three years in the past. My information of Latin American delicacies was restricted to the Mexican meals of my California hometown. We’re identified for the La Victoria Taquerias and their particular orange sauce, however to me, the most effective Mexican place is a cash-only stand with picnic desk seating serving classics like huge burritos, tacos, and quesadillas stuffed so full that they could as nicely be burritos. Rising up, I’d be hard-pressed to checklist meals from wherever additional south of the border.
Now, my accomplice and I pan-fry white cornmeal dough into little crispy disks and stuff them with salty, crumbly queso fresco and sautéed bell peppers no less than twice a month for a Colombian/Venezuelan-inspired dinner.
Oddly sufficient, this staple meal of ours is a relic of my earlier relationship. My ex’s Colombian-born mom used to make arepas for breakfast, and I found that the little corn pancakes occurred to be simply the precise dimension for reheating within the toaster. They turned an immediate favourite and to at the present time, stay my primary consolation meals.
They’re my go-to when the world received’t cease spinning lengthy sufficient for me to understand the idea of filling my abdomen with something extra advanced.
For somebody whose consuming and psychological well being have all the time been inextricably linked, consolation meals are a necessity for me. It’s a degree of delight to simply be capable of say I discover sure meals comforting, a notion that has not all the time come straightforward for me. I’ve been relearning the right way to get pleasure from consuming since I used to be eleven years outdated, when a mission to “eat wholesome” took a darkish flip and despatched me to the hospital with problems associated to anorexia.
In consuming dysfunction restoration, “protected meals” are the meals that stay after you’ve villainized all of the others. When you’ll be able to’t deliver your self to eat anything, these choose meals shall be there. As I’ve recovered, “protected” meals have developed into consolation meals, like peanut butter and banana smoothies, cereal, and scrambled eggs for dinner. They’re for days of vacancy, days after I really feel overwhelmed and anxious. They’re my go-to when the world received’t cease spinning lengthy sufficient for me to understand the idea of filling my abdomen with something extra advanced. And now, that checklist consists of arepas.
When my ex and I first moved in collectively, we each discovered that we have been consuming extra constantly than we ever had. Mmonths into dwelling collectively, I discovered myself unmotivated and apathetic. Anxiousness assaults pounced on me and took over with out purpose or warning.
We did not all the time perceive what the opposite wanted in these days, however my accomplice was reliable when it got here to creating dinner on the times when melancholy left my thoughts clean. “Scorching corn disk?” he’d ask (that’s what I had taken to calling them). “Scorching corn disk,” I might reply, and we’d share a realizing smile.
Three components have been all we would have liked for the savory pancake dinner: pre-cooked white cornmeal, water, and salt. For the longest time, I wasn’t precisely positive the right way to recreate the arepas alone as a result of he made them from reminiscence. There have been no measurements. He would merely warmth a small bowl of water within the microwave, combine it into a bigger bowl filled with cornmeal, and sprinkle in a splash of salt. After stirring all of it collectively till it resembled the creamiest Thanksgiving mashed potatoes that have been practically liquid, he kneaded the dough and left it to relaxation for a couple of minutes. The ultimate step was frying them till their yellowish coloration turned golden brown. To me, they smelled like gourmand movie show popcorn—one of many many scents of nostalgia. Generally we slathered the arepas with my favourite vegan butter and fried some eggs alongside them for a extra well-rounded dinner.
However no quantity of consolation meals, not even arepas, may make things better.
The grief that adopted our seemingly inevitable breakup left no room for meals in my abdomen. Some days I hardly ate in any respect. My household feared I used to be relapsing, regardless of how a lot I attempted to elucidate that the melancholy made consuming irrelevant at finest and inconceivable at worst. After I did begin consuming once more, it was purely emotional. I’d get house from my all-day partial hospitalization program and swallow the unhappiness down with a parade of Hershey’s darkish chocolate kisses.
Two months after leaving the hospital program, I rejoined Bumble and reached out to a woman I had ghosted months earlier than. It turned out she was in consuming dysfunction restoration, too. We’ve been courting for a 12 months now, and making arepas collectively for nearly simply as lengthy.
At first, I felt awkward telling her about my consolation meals. She’d had arepas within the farmers’ markets of Los Angeles, however by no means knew how straightforward they have been to make at house. After all, she was curious as to how I, a white lady with Italian and Swedish heritage, got here to make this Colombian dish part of my biggest hits checklist of recipes. Beginning any sentence with “My ex…” early on in any relationship is a daring and probably silly transfer.
Arepas are my factor as a lot as they’re my ex’s. He merely supplied the introduction.
If you undergo a breakup, there are songs you must ban out of your playlists and locations you’ll be able to’t go with out feeling a lump catch in your throat. We connect so many issues to the reminiscence of somebody.
However after I make arepas now, the loss doesn’t hit me in the identical means. Arepas are my factor as a lot as they’re my ex’s. He merely supplied the introduction. I didn’t even must name and ask for the recipe; it’s conveniently listed on the again of the cornmeal bag.
In my earlier relationship, I needed to be anybody however myself, as a result of to me, that was the one means I might ever be sufficient. When it ended, I felt I had not solely misplaced myself, however every part. However now, I’ve reclaimed the issues which are me and mine.
The silver lining was heat, spherical, and scrumptious.
What’s your go-to consolation meals? Tell us within the feedback under!
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