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So Jen needs you to assume our nationwide parks are all enjoyable and video games and kayaking and snuggling child otters and stuff. Effectively, we dwell in Florida, man! We have now the Everglades the place actually all the pieces needs to kill and eat you. Or kill you and go away your physique for one thing ELSE to eat you. However positively with the killing factor.
What, you assume I am exaggerating?
THIS ALLIGATOR WANTS TO EAT YOUR FACE.
That is proper, a smashed cake alligator needs to kill you. It is severe down right here, guys.
After which there’s the snakes:
“Assist meeeee!”
Which this baker has so helpfully illustrated mid-murder.
We have got poison toads:
“I would like you to croak.”
And snakes:
GAAAAAAkeepscrollingkeepscrollingkeepscrolling
And big offended spiders:
Who crew up with killer bees…
Did I point out the snakes?
BECAUSE WE HAVE A LOT OF SNAKES.
To not point out the armies of squirrel-sized mosquitoes:
They’re very pleasant. No sense of private area.
Piranhas:
Significantly.
And panthers.
NO LION.
Due to course we’ve panthers. Why would not we’ve panthers?! I imply, what would a swamp be with out FRIGGIN PANTHERS?!?!?!
So.
To sum up, for those who come to considered one of Florida’s many lovely nationwide parks, you are gonna die. Most likely. Greatest to not probability it. Simply go to Disney and marvel on the animatronic deer and bunnies, that are tremendous lifelike this time of 12 months.
This has been a public service announcement from Cheryl G., Kelly V., Tracey S., Anony M., Sarah G., Andrew W., Ashley M., Kelly R., & Gretchen T.
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If you realize somebody who loves frogs, possibly skip the wreck and get them this as a substitute:
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And from my different weblog, Epbot:
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