Friday, September 30, 2022
HomeFast FoodFATGUYFOODBLOG: BURGER KING: WHOPPERITO

FATGUYFOODBLOG: BURGER KING: WHOPPERITO

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Let’s not fart round with this intro. BK deserves to take a royal stroll of disgrace Cersei-style. And I am simply the Septa to take it on this stroll down shit avenue! No, it isn’t for sticking “-ito” on the tip of “Whopper”, though I do image Peggy Olson crying into her pillow once I think about that advertising determination. It is for an offense a lot, rather more severe than that.



WHERE ARE MY WHOPPER DOGS?!





After all we all know from the commercials the King is a diabolical sociopath, however that is some subsequent degree fuckery.


On the heels of the dismal assessment I had assigned to the Further-Lengthy Buttery Cheeseburger, I circled and awarded the Whopper Canine an A+, the one merchandise I’ve on condition that grade to in practically a 12 months of honest and balanced food-bloggery. After which, simply earlier than I might have a second chew, the King slapped it out of my fingers and the Whopper Canine bit the mud.


DAMN IT, KING! YOU HAD JUST GOTTEN OUT OF THE DOG HOUSE THEN YOU KICKED THE DOG OUT AND HEADED STRAIGHT BACK IN!


And as an additional flick within the nads, they left the common grilled canine and chili cheese canine on the menu- they reduce out Clint Eastwood and left us with The Dangerous and The Ugly!





            


Now, they roll out this so-called WHOPPERITO, simply to rub salt in my wounds, and presumably some cumin and oregano as nicely.



Alright, alright. I’ve had my druthers and settled down a bit. To be trustworthy, I used to be actually fairly excited to check out the Whopperito, however clearly the Whopper Canine left some massive footwear to fill.





Principally, what I used to be picturing was the BK model of the McDonald’s cheeseburger snack wrap from 5 years in the past. Keep in mind these little guys, earlier than they got here out with the entire massive “wholesome” McWrap with like cucumbers and fancy leaves and stuff? If I keep in mind appropriately, the primary technology had three choices: cheeseburger, and rooster (crispy/grilled). The rooster ones had been legit, which led to its pure evolution, the aforementioned McWrap, however the cheeseburger one? All they did was take the contents of a McDouble and put them in a tortilla! Then they began getting actual goofy about it- they did the Mac Wrap, the Angus Wrap, the Wrapper’s Delight… it was a darkish interval of McDonalds historical past I check with as to the Wrapture.




The Whopperito’s promo image had additionally left some ambiguity about what I used to be getting myself into. The white onions form of regarded like mayo, the tomatoes like ketchup, the cheese like mustard. And it gave no indication of the dimensions. So I purchased two, totally anticipating to woof the little man down in a couple of bites. 


Take a look at the dimensions of this lump! That is precisely what my abdomen would’ve regarded like if BK had left the Whopper Canines on the menu, stretch marks and all! And for $2.99?! Truthful commerce!



                                                 




I used to be instantly happy on the first bite- nothing right here however greasy floor beef accompanied by the robust style of chili powder, which is just about how I make my burritos at residence. My second chew revealed some crunchy white shit and a few soggy pink shit, which did extra to fluctuate the feel reasonably than the flavour, however there was little bit of crunchy inexperienced shit that stood out (and it positive as shit wasn’t lettuce). 

PICKLES

I do not know why, however I believed these pickles labored wonderfully- they reduce via the single-note spicy beef taste like Valyrian metal. Swing away, King Robert Burgeratheon! 


One minor goof right here is a scarcity of bitter cream. The spicy taste comes from a condiment BK refers to as “creamy spicy sauce”, however the former descriptor is severely missing. I believe there must be one thing else within the combine right here in addition to the pickles to maintain this beefy spice wad from being too uniform. Additionally, I did not detect sufficient of that smokey chemical taste to justify placing the phrase “Whopper” anyplace close to this. On a aspect observe, It would be a neat experiment to attempt considered one of these with BK’s stacker sauce as a substitute of the creamy spicy one.

However all in all… crawl on out of the canine home, King. You may trip this assessment all the way in which again to the citadel, as a result of I am supplying you with a B+. This spicy meat pocket (my nickname in HS) comes at an ideal value and its minor flaws might simply be coated up with a bitter cream packet. Anyone hear ringing? Sounds just like the Taco Bell demise knell to me.

Assessment by Davos Sl33zworth


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